Spiritual Beings
I became a follower of Jesus at age 4. I don't remember the day that I made my confession. But I do remember the day I was baptized. I remember having a sense that Jesus loved me. Some may wonder if a 4 year old could really make such a big life decision at such a young age. If you knew the family I was raised in and the life we lived as people committed to the church, it is not shocking to imagine that nurturing and encouragement from deeply committed Christians made it easy for a preschooler to make a confession of faith. But you are right - a decision I made at age 4 would not be enough to keep me on the Christian journey for more than a few years.
I continued following Jesus in my teens because as I experienced a 5 year spell of adolescent depression, I could not ignore this consistent feeling that Jesus was still with me - watching over me, reaching out for me, loving me. I would lay in bed most nights allowing my mind to turn with thoughts of self-blame and self-rejection; and in the middle was this annoyingly deliberate yet reserved voice constantly saying, "you are loved, you are cherished, you have a purpose." I attributed that voice to Jesus. It is that voice that led me out of depression in my senior year of high school. I did not know I would experience incredible angst in my twenties and crippling anxiety in my thirties. But for a 17 year old who just wanted to know his life mattered, that voice was enough.
I am just a few months from my 40th birthday; and as far as I can tell I will probably continue following Jesus for the foreseeable future. It is true that following Jesus is a part of how I make a living. It is also true that following Jesus has caused me to make certain decisions that those who do not share my faith might find unreasonable. While I have over 30 years of experience in being a Jesus-follower, it is not easy. Some days, my doubts weigh heavier than bricks. Other days, I find myself in such disagreement with other Jesus-followers that I wonder whether we are following the same Christ. But even in the hardest of seasons, I find myself coming back to the same Jesus I met at 4 and who, I believe, kept pursuing me in my teens.
The late Dallas Willard often said that we are 'spiritual beings'. Physical? Yes, Emotional? For sure. Intellectual? Totally. Sexual? Obviously. And also Spiritual. If we ignore our physicality, we weaken our bodies. If we think our emotions don't matter, we die inside. Our minds are constantly craving information and acting as if we aren't sexual is to completely misunderstand much of the human experience. But we are also spiritual and our spirits are just as important as all of the other parts of who we are. If I could put it simply, I am still following Jesus because that has been the best way I have found to maintain and nurture my spiritual health. Yes, I need Jesus like I need food, therapy, books and...well, you know what I am saying! Ha!
I am not saying this to prove Jesus' existence or the validity of the Christian faith. This is my story and I am simply adding it to the conversation. I am putting this out into the world for all of those who have sensed a part of themselves becoming oddly curious when they pass by a religious building or look up at the stars wondering if there is something or someone out there. I am writing for those who have felt a metaphysical reality that did not make sense to their intellect but could not be dismissed; to those who have looked at dying loved ones and in their grief become certain that there has to be more to life than our end being death. You can be 4 year old and respond to the needs of your own spirit longing for eternal love. You can be a teenager and find yourself convinced that a power greater than you confirms that you are here for a reason. And you can be a well-educated, middle-aged campus minister who pours beer part-time finding yourself unable to go an entire day without making a spiritual connection. We are spiritual beings, and that is something that cannot be ignored.